Why am i here

I woke up today and surprised myself i just knew it was then end lastnight. Saw no bright lights, nothin but the end now i gotta begin again. I bought a new dress and some new shoes trynna change up my look hoping that will get someone to look. Bought some cute pjs, went to a party, got drunk said ayeee all night still no one there in sight. I partied more and more the weeks to come til i couldnt party anymore til finally my body said dont walk out that door. I havent fixed my hair, my nails are brittle, i smile only just a little, no shopping to do, no therapy shoes, jus days of silence and solitude. I cry myself to slp cuz no really cares all they want is to be nosey. I awake with swollen eyes and a puffy face and work everyday wishing to leave this place. Whats the point of living anymore i ask daily? Well whats the point? Can someone tell me? The voices keep telling me to do it and lately i been in tune with them. But how i ask? Pills they say and one day soon i might jus say ok! No one will really miss me i mean no one needs me here so whats the point of staying if im not happy here. I feel like im drowning with no way up, do i want help maybe. Maybe not. I found my knife, its in my pocket, if i cut my arm will this pain take the place of this other pain or will it be jus as bad idk, i think ill try it and see. I woke up this morning nd i was surprised to see me

Father

A father is a protector, a guide, a wise man who knows from the time of conception, to the time of his unknown demise, he is to be the example his children shall see. No laziness abides him, no bitterness befalls him. He is a proud man of all his children no matter how far they should go. He has dreams for his childrens and kind words to say to them. He builds them up, never tears them down encouraging them every step of the way. He is a Godly man, following God's word taking care of his family in every way possible. From the bath time, to the feeding time, to the sports days, to the dance recitals he is there and present. He may miss a few activities due to unforeseen circumstances but let it be known his heart is to always be there for his kids. From her first breath, to her crossing that stage to her finding her self and her boaz finding her, he is there for her never selfish always selfless and willing to give his all. From finding out its a boy, to watching him shoot his first basket, to teaching him how to treat a woman, to sending him off into the world to become a better man he is always there. A fathers job is never done, he leaves a legacy behind for his kids to follow and keep his name alive. Well into his years his kids may never know just how deep and strong a fathers love may go. So to you fathers around the world, stand tall in your children's life, you are the first example they see on how a man should be, some good, some bad but remember they do see. You can buy your kids the world and they'll want the moon too but the time you spend and what you instill in them is better than any dollar amount you spent. So father's I salute you and thank you for all you do. And to my dad you're the best an example for the rest!

The feels

Ever give your all to someone. I mean your complete all, you mind, body and soul and then find out your not good enough for them. You thought the were you friend but turn out to be perfect little liars. All the promises yall made are all gone away.  Promises to be there for each other no matter what only to find out its not true. You try your best to move on but everyday something reminds you of what yall had, and its like that pain is back and its not jus a regualr pain nope, its worse much worse. It mind boggling, heart wrenching almost like drowning in ice things are so cold. To see that you wasted your time and that you failed, when all you wanted to do was be there for them. Words cant express how you feel so the tears stain your pillow, they cripple you at the knees and make your days turn to night and your nights never end. You try to make sense of it but you can't, was I too fat, too short, too broke, to ugly, did my breath stink, did I smell, was i too passive, too aggressive, too nice, too mean what did I do to make you treat me like you do. All these questions run through your mind and you realize, you just wasted your time. The last time yall made love really was the last time yall made love. You didn't think abt it, you couldn't see it, and you really couldn't feel it. Like a thief in the night it was gone here one day and gone the next. You try to fix it but they tell you, they dont love you and thats the end of it. You're a wreck!

Wake up

STOP! JUST STOP! The world we live in today is in disarray, its time to stand up and make a change long ago our people came together and started a movement in the right direction only for the new generations to come and set us back. Its time for us to reunite with our brothers and take that stand! Its time for men to be men no more beating and belittling our women, no more turning them out and selling them out. Stop glorifying temporary things like money cars and fame cause when you die all you get is a box and 6ft grave and you taoe wit you your soul full of all yo sins. Stop wearing womens clothes and trynna be like a woman if  Jehovah God didnt create you like that then evidently he didnt want you to be one. He is perfect he makes no mistakes, stop letting the devil block and trick your mind into believing something different get into the Word of God and see His truth. Be the man he created you to be or the puppet satan sees you as. Its time for the King in you to rise and show the world who you really are stop being a coward and so emotional that you can't take some pain in order to grow. When you get older you will realize how much time you wasted being blinded by satan. Show then jext generation what a real man does and stop being little boys in adult bodies. Women its time for you to take your place beside your men and stay in your place. Stop showing off your body for instagram likes and money cause when you die no one will remember or even care how many likes a pic got. But your soul will carry all the sins so get right before its too late. Women should he seen and not heard but yet all we do is be seen. And you wonder why you can't find a husband. A man finds his wife Adam woke up to find Eve waiting for him. Stop playing the role of a man and ending up broken hearted cause you don't know your place. Be a whole you before you become a half of him. Find yourself in Christ and stop letting these boys pick you up off a shelf play with you and then put you back. Stop jumping from male to male to satisfy and nonexistent need.  Its ok to not have sex I promise you will live, find other things to calm your loins and in due time things will get better. Its time its past time to be better, this generation is so lost but its not too late we will celebrate once we all reunite! I pray for us as a people, as a whole, as a generation young and old. We need each other to survive its only getting worse out here and we need to stay prayed up. Let His Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven!

My family

So you wake up to get dressed to go get that check, cause today you killed another black man am i correct? He did nothing to offend or scare you jus fit the description of someone other than those that look like you and then you go hide behind the blue cause you're  a coward and they are too. Walking down the street, running to the bathroom, forgot to signal my land change all thats offensive to you? But yo son can go into elementary schools and kill 5 year olds and his only freedom was he killed himself too oh but wait that was a hoax too, created by the government that pays you! Yo lil cousin ran to the movies and shot them up too and what does he get an insane suit what about ya lil nephew that killed my grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins too while they prayed for a better nation,  he shot them up and got a whooper and pat on the back with no hesitation. But you killed my brother in front of my niece and her mother for doing what you told him while gettin his wallet you saw fear and pounced on it. My little brother you shot cause he had a toy gun, and you had no remorse to come out yo mouth you didn't even shed a tear and we cried in fear that he was only 12 and just being a kid still you didn't care. Or my uncle Eric who screamed he can't breathe still you suffocated and killed him with ease just so you can fill yo quota and go on with ease i guess yall motto really is kill a nigga be a hero huh? The home of the free and land of the brave only applies to those who werent slaves? Its hard to believe we're back in the 50's with our thoughts, actions and policies. But when you're bred in ignorance it soon shows its light to a country that loves to fight. Sure my people have a long way to go cause every other day theres a fight video, but you see when yall prosecute us for doin wrong, we get no protection, we get no leniency in the justice system cause it was designed to hurt and hender me but tell me something tho, altho the constitution and amendments were written when i was property afterwards the emancipation proclamation made me free and human i was told the constitution would protect me but i see now that i have been deceived yet again by massa and his friends. All because they want us to be slaves to them again but here i stand to let you know that shit is not gon flow i will not be silent, i will not be sleep, i woke up a long time ago, you see im changing the world one mind at a time and one day you will see all the evil you done to me. Go back to Africa you like to yell but baby look here if we leave yall would be in hell. Yall steal our swag, looks and style and fuck em all up trynna be all hard. But i bet you didnt know one thing about me tho, this is my land that you stole from my grandfather before yall stole the negroes! Now does that have your attention, you were never really welcomed here and you tried to scare us with tactics and fear but listen sir before you came here half your kind was illiterate and insane, we taught you to read, write, eat healthy and even bathe but you want us to leave o okay, give us back everything we have made. We built this country hand by hand brick by brick black woman and man after you stole and killed my other kin, so sir when you tell me to leave I wont go cause you see this is MY home. If you didn't want the truth shouldnt be believing and telling a lie to make you look smart and make me wanna punch you in the eye. So lets bear the moment of truth and let the world know, that its really your kind that has got to go. Now it will come up as to what kind that is and well I'll tell you. The ones that spew hate, discriminate, and make this country unsafe,  the ones that want the coon to be president those the ones need to board the ship. Those who want peace, equality and love those the ones that come from above. So now that history 101 is done do you still feel the need to have to reach for that gun every time you see someone that doesnt look like you? Now im not saying dont protect yourself but sir give my family a chance most times we wanna go home and do a lil dance. Its not hard sir just common sense most of the ones you killed were innocent. I ask you today to please stop and pray before you gon on your shooting rampage. Jus one more question before you leave why'd you have to kill my 7 year old sister in her sleep?

This Generation

I am sick i am disgusted the world we live in can never be trusted. We live in fear if one another when we are supposed to love our brother but yet we all hate and fight each other. Where did we go wrong where did it escape why in the world is there so much hate! I try to piece the puzzle together but the got lost in this stormy weather i look to the Heavens above and know there is love and one day eventually Jesus we will see.
I wrote this poem because somethings gotta give. I mean it make absolutely no sense to me as to why women feel its ok to degrade one another. Why is it ok for little girls to wear booty shorts? Why do girls have to walk around damn near naked to get attention? Are you all that damn dumb you can't get an education for yourself you think being naked and dancing and bein loud and ghetto wit 80 shades of weave is the life to live in order to get a man? Who put those thoughts in your head that its ok to sleep with every guy you meet? Huh please speak up! Who said its ok to disrespect your parents and grandparents and elders that you meet? What book is out there that says being a hoe is cool having children out of wedlock was acceptable or living off the government for the rest of your life is the way to go? Yall are awfully quiet out there. Which fool says its ok to post naked photos of yourself and your dirty ass room who says its cool to be dirty? I mean i seen girls who eat their own tampons that is disgusting! Who said the girl with the biggest butt is the freak or the shy one is ugly or the one who achieves and aims for the sky is stuck up WHO SAID IT PLEASE SOMEBODY TELL ME! Well I'm here to say all that is BULLSHIT! Women are supposed to be seen not heard they are supposed to walk with their heads held high and not low you were created in 'HIS' image not the image of man. You were taken from the rib of a man to stand by his side not in front, behind or beneath him. Women are God's gift to man and when ever you give a gift don't you have to unwrap it first? Well how you gon be a gift thats supposed to be wrapped meaning you are covered up when you walk around naked all the time or you take nude pics. Its sickening its degrading and its not pleasing to God. Many children today wonder why they have so much turmoil in their lives its because you are living by satans rule and not Gods rules. The bible says is Ephesians 6 honor they mother and father that thou days on this earth shall be long and yet kids are dying left and right why because the honor has left the house hold and disrespect has moved in. Its time for that to go. I dont care how you try to put it that's the word of God and honoring and obeying him will get you farther in life then you could ever imagine but the moment we start living for the world and satan then we bring hell into our lives. If we stop letting society raise us and tell us how to live and wats acceptable to man an imperfect human and start living for GOD the creator of life we will become better Soldiers for God and our lives will become better I guarantee it!
I am 23 and i know what im talking about no man can tell me anything that My God hasnt already told me. I have three little sisters who look up to me and you can bet that neither ine is going to grow up to be trashy cause they didnt see their big sis doing it and they will never see her doing it thats a promise. Get back to God he wants a real relationship with you no matter your age race disability social stature nothing your his child he wants you you Neex him so YOU SEEK HIM. I promise your life will be much better if u hold on to his word and unchanging hand.
Be blessed!

Role Models

What qualifies you on being a great role model? Is it the way you walk, talk, wear your hair, paint your nails, the car you drive, the house you live in, the amount of friends you have, your social media. Well can you tell me?/ What qualifies and individual to be a role model and not just any type of role model a great and exceptional role model one you will be proud to say you look up too and would want others too look up too. One you will let you daughter and son look up too. Well for me there are a few for different reasons. I will elaborate on 3 of the top role models in my life that I truly look up too above and way beyond many others.

 Rose M. Willis 'Mimi'
 This woman is an exceptional role model to me because of her spirit. She has the kind of spirit that greets you at the door. She is not only my grandmother but my friend. I can always confide in her no matter what she can hear it in my voice when I am sad or hurt and she is always there to comfort me and build me back up. No matter what the situation she really has my back no one in the entire world is like that. She was the first person to put up money for me to go on a school trip to Madrid, Spain when I was 15. And she was the first person I saw when I landed back here in America. When I went to college she paid the $400 deposit for my dorm with no hesitation and told me not to worry about paying her back. When I went away to Job Corp she called daily to check on me and to make sure I was doing well and also when I went to college it was the same way. She never ceases to amaze me. As a child she used to sing 'Order My Steps' and it has now become one of my favorite songs and every time I hear it I remember her standing in front of our church singing like there was no tomorrow. Singing has been a passion for her all of her life and she had dreams of becoming an opera singer but thing didn't pan out the way she wanted them too. But she never let this hinder her or harden her heart. She is a strong woman she had three boys and became a single parent but never once complained she just held her head high and did what any strong woman would and she raised three boys on her own who became good men. If it was one things that showed me how strong she was my uncle died at the young age of 24 and she still held on and is making it. This strong woman has had many downfalls in her life but it never once changed her spirit not once.This strong woman has 2 son's and 7 grandchildren and next year she will be graduating college with a degree in teaching and she has shown me that no matter what age you are you can still reach your goals this strong woman is my role model.

Charlette Perry
This woman is a role model to me because of her style and class. She is the first lady of my church and my cousin but she is an prime example of what women of church should be. She is always there supporting her husband and complimenting him without even saying anything. She sits on stage every Sunday and her presence just amazes me. She's humble always primed and neat, no strand is out of place on her hair and when she talks its refreshing. I met her about 2 years ago and from the first time we met I said that I wanted what she has which is class, style and sophistication. When she walks into a room you have no choice to notice her presence and when she's not there you know it. She has taken me under her wing and is training me into a young woman and teaching me how to act like a young Christian  and God fearing woman not like the tomboy I am used to. She prays with me and works with me and is patient with me. She cares for me and wants nothing but for me to succeed. I thank God for sending her into my life cause as a minister in training she is a great teacher and that is why this stylish and classy woman is my role model.

Beyonce G. Knowles-Carter
This woman is my role model because of her smile. She is a beautiful woman the world knows it but what I love the most about her is the beauty that lies on the inside of her and it shows through her smile. I haven't met her yet but the time is coming very soon but one thing I am looking forward to is her smile. Many have said some nasty and negative things about her but that doesn't hinder my admiration for her cause they did the same to Jesus and he was perfect so all they say just goes in one ear and out the other. She has billions of fans who would die to meet her for any kind of reasons but I just want to talk to her and be her friend. I don't want/need anything from her but a simple hello and hug will do just fine. I would love for her to call me her little sister but we all know that's foolery or is it hmm?? But in our conversation I would ask her what made her so humble in the crazy music industry. How does she do it and does she not let the negative comments people say about her affect her and how does she deal with it. Then I would say wanna go swimming??? LOL I don't care about her celebrity stature because its man made but who she is at then end of the show when the curtains are closed who will be standing there can I meet and be close with her. That is a life long dream of mine since I was 6 and she came out with No, No, No. Many have ridiculed me for my infatuation with her and have even said I'm obsessed in which I am not. I just am a very faithful person and when ever I like something I will let everyone know just how much I love it. To me Beyonce has a beauty that will never fade even if I never get a chance to meet her I will still see the beauty of her. She has a God given gift that no one can take away. I love how she supports her husband like a good wife should and how a good mother she is even though we don't know much about her personal life. What we can assume is that she is the best mother Blue can have. Beyonce is a phenomenal and exceptional woman because she has broken barriers that many have tried to break and still remains in her roots. She knows her place and takes it proudly. On stage she may wear certain things that many can find a problem with but she knows its just for entertainment and off stage she keeps it classy never trashy even with all the rumors. I look up to her for her ability to smile even thru the pain that is why she is a role model to me.

I might have some people who can disagree with me but hey this is my blog and it is what I am feeling and just shows that there are people who are worth looking up too if you just look up to them for the right reasons. You can't be a good leader if you don't follow a great leader. This means you have to have someone great to look up too that way you can learn how to lead and be great at it and in due time become greater than them. Thanks for reading be blessed <3