Hello its been a while since I've done this blog but I have come back to help others. I'm going to take a different path this time. I want to talk to you about bullying and share my story and hopefully heal someone who is gong through the same thing I went through. Ok here goes.
I was born many would say a pretty baby I was the first on my father's side and the third child but first girl on my mothers side. I had the looks and everyone loved this beautiful brown eyed baby so as a baby who doesn't know any better you gonna enjoy it. So time went on and I grew up and eventually started school. I can't remember too much about the beginning years of school but I do know they were fun. I stayed in trouble cause I talked a lot but hey that's nothing new. I can recall my first bully encounter. It was a girl her name was Ashley last name I can never remember but we were working on a project for school and I was in the fourth grade. My mother helped me we had to just read 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' in class and afterwards we watched the movie and our project was to build our own chocolate factories. I had fun and when my mom and I finished it was beautiful and colorful. Well my mom brought it to school cause she didn't want me to ruin it on the bus, so when it came in class everyone was shocked and said how pretty it was among other things. So we presented them in class and all was good until after class when Ashley walked up to me and told me that my project was hideous and that I was ugly the dress I had on was dirty and my shoes were ugly and that she would slap my glasses off my face if I ever told anyone. Now those who know me now would never think I would let that happen but again I was in 4th grade and didn't know anything and plus I was super skinny and light skin I loved my face and she was a big i mean big black girl so her height and weight doubled mine so I just walked away feeling like I wanted to die while her lil side kicks laughed at me. Because of that experience and me not knowing to stand up for my self I allowed it to continue to happen. But eventually she stopped cause it got old and her sidekicks left her. That was my first real encounter with a bully. Through out middle school and junior high I started developing as a woman and quickly became a magnet for boys which really made the girls jealous. No one ever stepped to me but I used to hear them talking behind my back and the things they would say the lies they hurt!! I can remember one time in the 8th grade this guy named Melvin Carter told me to my face that I was ugly and his girlfriend at the time and her friends all bursts out laughing and I wanted to cry but instead I just walked away and that day changed my life forever. I no longer saw the pretty girl whom I knew once before no she was gone instead I saw what everyone else saw the ugly girl and I believed it too. So for years I used to dress ugly cause no matter how hard I tried I felt ugly his words burned my soul and I have had self esteem issues. On top of that I was being molested at the time and told by the perv that if I said something my face would be smashed in so I kept quiet and for years I didn't say nothing just ate to ease the pain. It was only one person who made me feel pretty and who I used to long to be like and her name is Beyonce. I used to have her pictures all over my binder and often wonder what it was like to just talk to her. She was beautiful on the outside as well as the inside and I used to want to be just like her. Her confidence showed in everything she did and I wanted that so bad. I was told that I was gay cause I have pictures of Beyonce in my binder. Did that hurt? YES! but I wouldn't let that stop me.
Then I got to high school things were good then I switched to another high school where things got better. I found my self esteem and confidence I became class president and National Honor Society President along with being on the Principles Honor roll life couldn't get better. Everyone was nice to me and I didn't have any enemies or so I thought. My junior year we had a new girl come in and boy was she ugly I mean that in every way possible. I had the body boobs butt and a flat stomach so of course jealousy was big cause again the guys all like me. Well this girl didn't like the fact that I was well known by all my peers and teachers and everyday I was smiling and happy well misery loves company cause baby girl started all sorts of lies and the bullying began. She would pretend to like me and talk trash behind my back. Hey bullying came face to face one day when I walked in the bathroom and they were taking senior pictures. She was like eww and I didn't hear her I was oh its a bunch of y'all in here dang and she made it her mission to embarrass me she was like 'shut the fuck up musty and get out' now me being me and finally standing up for myself I said my peace and told her I was sick of her bullying and talking trash about me that her jealousy of me need to end cause its not good to envy someone who has done nothing but be nice to you. Of course she made a face and I smiled and walked out the bathroom never to be bullied by anyone ever again.
I hope what you have read will open your eyes to what really goes on to the person that you try to bully they have their own trash to deal with without you making them feel like crap. While I was bullied all throughout my school life I still had to deal with being molested on top of boys saying rude and crude things to me and then dealing with my parents and family issues. It wasn't fair and at time I used to wish I were dead. But through God's grace I'm here today I survived and conquered what most say I couldn't. Also it was like Beyonce knew what I was going through because when ever she would do an album or whatever she did she helped me with my problem. I didn't know how to talk about the pain I was feeling or where to turn to look for help. So I turned to her instead. She helped me through my childhood without even knowing that she did. If I could see her and tell her thank you that would be a dream come true. I had it rough but I kept it together and with the power of prayer I can proudly and boldly say to my past 'ITS OVER' I don't wanna live in just wanna learn from it and move on to help other suffering like I did. I cannot stress this enough please
STOP BULLYING ITS NOT FUN NOR IS IT FAIR HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I WERE TO BULLY YOU AND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH??
