Role Models

What qualifies you on being a great role model? Is it the way you walk, talk, wear your hair, paint your nails, the car you drive, the house you live in, the amount of friends you have, your social media. Well can you tell me?/ What qualifies and individual to be a role model and not just any type of role model a great and exceptional role model one you will be proud to say you look up too and would want others too look up too. One you will let you daughter and son look up too. Well for me there are a few for different reasons. I will elaborate on 3 of the top role models in my life that I truly look up too above and way beyond many others.

 Rose M. Willis 'Mimi'
 This woman is an exceptional role model to me because of her spirit. She has the kind of spirit that greets you at the door. She is not only my grandmother but my friend. I can always confide in her no matter what she can hear it in my voice when I am sad or hurt and she is always there to comfort me and build me back up. No matter what the situation she really has my back no one in the entire world is like that. She was the first person to put up money for me to go on a school trip to Madrid, Spain when I was 15. And she was the first person I saw when I landed back here in America. When I went to college she paid the $400 deposit for my dorm with no hesitation and told me not to worry about paying her back. When I went away to Job Corp she called daily to check on me and to make sure I was doing well and also when I went to college it was the same way. She never ceases to amaze me. As a child she used to sing 'Order My Steps' and it has now become one of my favorite songs and every time I hear it I remember her standing in front of our church singing like there was no tomorrow. Singing has been a passion for her all of her life and she had dreams of becoming an opera singer but thing didn't pan out the way she wanted them too. But she never let this hinder her or harden her heart. She is a strong woman she had three boys and became a single parent but never once complained she just held her head high and did what any strong woman would and she raised three boys on her own who became good men. If it was one things that showed me how strong she was my uncle died at the young age of 24 and she still held on and is making it. This strong woman has had many downfalls in her life but it never once changed her spirit not once.This strong woman has 2 son's and 7 grandchildren and next year she will be graduating college with a degree in teaching and she has shown me that no matter what age you are you can still reach your goals this strong woman is my role model.

Charlette Perry
This woman is a role model to me because of her style and class. She is the first lady of my church and my cousin but she is an prime example of what women of church should be. She is always there supporting her husband and complimenting him without even saying anything. She sits on stage every Sunday and her presence just amazes me. She's humble always primed and neat, no strand is out of place on her hair and when she talks its refreshing. I met her about 2 years ago and from the first time we met I said that I wanted what she has which is class, style and sophistication. When she walks into a room you have no choice to notice her presence and when she's not there you know it. She has taken me under her wing and is training me into a young woman and teaching me how to act like a young Christian  and God fearing woman not like the tomboy I am used to. She prays with me and works with me and is patient with me. She cares for me and wants nothing but for me to succeed. I thank God for sending her into my life cause as a minister in training she is a great teacher and that is why this stylish and classy woman is my role model.

Beyonce G. Knowles-Carter
This woman is my role model because of her smile. She is a beautiful woman the world knows it but what I love the most about her is the beauty that lies on the inside of her and it shows through her smile. I haven't met her yet but the time is coming very soon but one thing I am looking forward to is her smile. Many have said some nasty and negative things about her but that doesn't hinder my admiration for her cause they did the same to Jesus and he was perfect so all they say just goes in one ear and out the other. She has billions of fans who would die to meet her for any kind of reasons but I just want to talk to her and be her friend. I don't want/need anything from her but a simple hello and hug will do just fine. I would love for her to call me her little sister but we all know that's foolery or is it hmm?? But in our conversation I would ask her what made her so humble in the crazy music industry. How does she do it and does she not let the negative comments people say about her affect her and how does she deal with it. Then I would say wanna go swimming??? LOL I don't care about her celebrity stature because its man made but who she is at then end of the show when the curtains are closed who will be standing there can I meet and be close with her. That is a life long dream of mine since I was 6 and she came out with No, No, No. Many have ridiculed me for my infatuation with her and have even said I'm obsessed in which I am not. I just am a very faithful person and when ever I like something I will let everyone know just how much I love it. To me Beyonce has a beauty that will never fade even if I never get a chance to meet her I will still see the beauty of her. She has a God given gift that no one can take away. I love how she supports her husband like a good wife should and how a good mother she is even though we don't know much about her personal life. What we can assume is that she is the best mother Blue can have. Beyonce is a phenomenal and exceptional woman because she has broken barriers that many have tried to break and still remains in her roots. She knows her place and takes it proudly. On stage she may wear certain things that many can find a problem with but she knows its just for entertainment and off stage she keeps it classy never trashy even with all the rumors. I look up to her for her ability to smile even thru the pain that is why she is a role model to me.

I might have some people who can disagree with me but hey this is my blog and it is what I am feeling and just shows that there are people who are worth looking up too if you just look up to them for the right reasons. You can't be a good leader if you don't follow a great leader. This means you have to have someone great to look up too that way you can learn how to lead and be great at it and in due time become greater than them. Thanks for reading be blessed <3

My story on bullying

Hello its been a while since I've done this blog but I have come back to help others. I'm going to take a different path this time. I want to talk to you about bullying and share my story and hopefully heal someone who is gong through the same thing I went through. Ok here goes.

I was born many would say a pretty baby I was the first on my father's side and the third child but first girl on my mothers side. I had the looks and everyone loved this beautiful brown eyed baby so as a baby who doesn't know any better you gonna enjoy it. So time went on and I grew up and eventually started school. I can't remember too much about the beginning years of school but I do know they were fun. I stayed in trouble cause I talked a lot but hey that's nothing new. I can recall my first bully encounter. It was a girl her name was Ashley last name I can never remember but we were working on a project for school and I was in the fourth grade. My mother helped me we had to just read 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' in class and afterwards we watched the movie and our project was to build our own chocolate factories. I had fun and when my mom and I finished it was beautiful and colorful. Well my mom brought it to school cause she didn't want me to ruin it on the bus, so when it came in class everyone was shocked and said how pretty it was among other things. So we presented them in class and all was good until after class when Ashley walked up to me and told me that my project was hideous and that I was ugly the dress I had on was dirty and my shoes were ugly and that she would slap my glasses off my face if I ever told anyone. Now those who know me now would never think I would let that happen but again I was in 4th grade and didn't know anything and plus I was super skinny and light skin I loved my face and she was a big i mean big black girl so her height and weight doubled mine so I just walked away feeling like I wanted to die while her lil side kicks laughed at me. Because of that experience and me not knowing to stand up for my self I allowed it to continue to happen. But eventually she stopped cause it got old and her sidekicks left her. That was my first real encounter with a bully. Through out middle school and junior high I started developing as a woman and quickly became a magnet for boys which really made the girls jealous. No one ever stepped to me but I used to hear them talking behind my back and the things they would say the lies they hurt!! I can remember one time in the 8th grade this guy named Melvin Carter told me to my face that I was ugly and his girlfriend at the time and her friends all bursts out laughing and I wanted to cry but instead I just walked away and that day changed my life forever. I no longer saw the pretty girl whom I knew once before no she was gone instead I saw what everyone else saw the ugly girl and I believed it too. So for years I used to dress ugly cause no matter how hard I tried I felt ugly his words burned my soul and I have had self esteem issues. On top of that I was being molested at the time and told by the perv that if I said something my face would be smashed in so I kept quiet and for years I didn't say nothing  just ate to ease the pain. It was only one person who made me feel pretty and who I used to long to be like and her name is Beyonce. I used to have her pictures all over my binder and often wonder what it was like to just talk to her. She was beautiful on the outside as well as the inside and I used to want to be just like her. Her confidence showed in everything she did and I wanted that so bad. I was told that I was gay cause I have pictures of Beyonce in my binder. Did that hurt? YES! but I wouldn't let that stop me. 
Then I got to high school things were good then I switched to another high school where things got better. I found my self esteem and confidence I became class president and National Honor Society President along with being on the Principles Honor roll life couldn't get better. Everyone was nice to me and I didn't have any enemies or so I thought. My junior year we had a new girl come in and boy was she ugly I mean that in every way possible. I had the body boobs butt and a flat stomach so of course jealousy was big cause again the guys all like me. Well this girl didn't like the fact that I was well known by all my peers and teachers and everyday I was smiling and happy well misery loves company cause baby girl started all sorts of lies and the bullying began. She would pretend to like me and talk trash behind my back. Hey bullying came face to face one day when I walked in the bathroom and they were taking senior pictures. She was like eww and I didn't hear her I was oh its a bunch of y'all in here dang and she made it her mission to embarrass me she was like 'shut the fuck up musty and get out' now me being me and finally standing up for myself I said my peace and told her I was sick of her bullying and talking trash about me that her jealousy of me need to end cause its not good to envy someone who has done nothing but be nice to you. Of course she made a face and I smiled and walked out the bathroom never to be bullied by anyone ever again. 

I hope what you have read will open your eyes to what really goes on to the person that you try to bully they have their own trash to deal with without you making them feel like crap. While I was bullied all throughout my school life I still had to deal with being molested on top of boys saying rude and crude things to me and then dealing with my parents and family issues. It wasn't fair and at time I used to wish I were dead. But through God's grace I'm here today I survived and conquered what most say I couldn't. Also it was like Beyonce knew what I was going through because when ever she would do an album or whatever she did she helped me with my problem. I didn't know how to talk about the pain I was feeling or where to turn to look for help. So I turned to her instead. She helped me through my childhood without even knowing that she did. If I could see her and tell her thank you that would be a dream come true. I had it rough but I kept it together and with the power of prayer I can proudly and boldly say to my past 'ITS OVER' I don't wanna live in just wanna learn from it and move on to help other suffering like I did. I cannot stress this enough please 
STOP BULLYING ITS NOT FUN NOR IS IT FAIR HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I WERE TO BULLY YOU AND MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH??

True story pt. 1

I'm going to tell the story of my life how I felt and lived it. Now the way I write is very different but its entertaining none the less and is going to help you all.

“Woke up pissed!! Why cause my life sucks. I try and smile but its killin me inside. Born a virgin still that way but still this pain I can’t take away. I hear them they beat on the door and their knocks I ignore. I can’t take this shit anymore. 22 years of pain and terror no wonder I need my Strattera. It wasn’t my fault I was born under the stars but it seems like it is. He’s so sprung off of her he don’t see it seems all he wants to do is beat it. Cruella is what I used to call her now they call me Cinderella. “Why you didn’t do this, why you didn’t do that all I get is pure smack. Smack yea that’s what I want to do but to God that would be untrue. What did I do wrong why do you despise me so how can I be your seed if never given water to grow. Maybe I have to rely on the rain to help ease my pain so this seed that was planted God will help it grow.” I wrote this on my way to church after waking up in my hell. Everything is fine is what I tell them knowing its all a lie. Born 22 years ago in the bathroom of my grandparents house. I was told I was the easiest birth of them all. I didn’t cry she didn’t scream I just had a big pretty smile with some big pretty eyes. I didn’t know what lay ahead of me. I didn’t know I was an unwanted guest in “her” world. Of course I was mommy’s first girl but her third child. She knew me, loved me but now she’s just my carrier. To him  he didn’t know my existence. I don’t know what happen between then and then being a newborn your mind just can’t bend. The story goes his brother saw the mother at the store, went back told his older brother who then told his mother that he made her another mother. The news was broken to her and well that’s when all the pain began. When the memories start to kick in I don’t remember no good just all bad and this is here might make you sad but hell from where I stand THIS SHIT MAKES ME MAD!!!!!

The truth

I made this blog to share with you my story. I have started a program called A.V.I.D and it stands for Active Virgin In Distinction. Basically I want to spread the word and let others know that is it okay to be a virgin. Society will have you thinking that sex is the only way to go well it's not. I am 22 years of age and I am still a virgin. Now many people in the world will say oh she's lying but anyone who know me personally will tell you nope she's telling the truth. Now why? You may ask well because I made up in my mind at the young age of 12 after hearing the stories from older family members about how this guy only wanted sex or how this girl was all about sex and when they didn't get it they left them heartbroken I knew I didn't want that. My father also talked to me about sex as a young girl he told me that boys are gonna come and tell me all sorts of things to try and make me have sex with them from saying I'm beautiful to buying me things and he said the ultimate pick up line is "If you love me then you will do it". He told me that no man truly loves you when he says that and if he does then he will wait until you are married. He also said that he loves me more than them. That stuck with me til this day and that is my motto "No sex until marriage". I struggled with this through all my relationships and thus all of them have failed because no guy I met wanted to wait so I took that as a stepping s to get to me and wait for the guy that God has designed just for me. This program is not only for girls but for guys too. Guys you matter I understand the pressures you go through from your friends and how they make fun because you have decided to wait until you find your soul mate and wait until marriage. I come from a family of Pastors and Evangelists and I have been called to teach and tell others the benefits of being a Virgin and let them know someone is here for them when they feel the pressures of this world. Now this program is not only about virgins but for those who chose to be born again and become born again Virgins I encourage that. We all sin and make mistakes no one is perfect but I am here to let you know "ITS OKAY". I'm going to be sharing my story with you all through poems and motivational messages all to help you through your pain also to help me heal. your comments are all welcome and if you want to talk just hit me up I am here for all. This blog is not only to talk to you about staying pure but to help you with all your life struggles and to let you know there is help out there with anything that your going through I probably have been through it or am going through it so don't be shy or scared to talk to me cause I am here for you. If you would like for me to speak at a function or anything just let me know I will see what I can do. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.